La Belle Dame Avec Regrets, Part II

When I was younger, in my late teens, I believed strongly in fate. I believed that there was a higher power that would order my steps and design the immediate world around my needs, or even my wants. Everything would fall into place, eventually, if I only believed it would. The power of desire, I just knew, would be enough to dictate what turns to take in life, and what choices to make, and everything would turn out all right in the end. All I had to do was listen to my heart.

Ah, youth.

Even now, it’s hard to say that this isn’t at least partly true, but since then, I’ve had a few hard knocks that have forced me to reevaluate my cosmology a bit. Sure, things may turn out “all right” in the end, even after all that has happened in the past ten years. But I have a sinking feeling that the older I get, the more my definition of that elusive condition will change. In fact, I feel it has already begun.

Ten years ago, my life seemed perfect. I had the houses, the cars, the memberships, the clothes, the gadgets, the horses and the husband – everything a girl like me could want, or so I thought. Everyone said I was beautiful, and I believed that, though I tried really hard not to let it go to my head. Generally speaking, I was a nice person, if a little smug from time to time. It’s hard not to feel just a tiny bit superior when you have everything you want, or at least think you do.

*******

“Oh…my.”
Eric looked up at her with a canted brow, a sudden expression of uncertainty crossing his face as full, chiseled lips parted, softening vulnerably. “You don’t like it?”

“Like it? It’s…unbelievable.” Rory’s breath finally escaped in a hot gust as her shock began to dissipate, stirring the golden streaked hair that fell in soft waves across his smooth brow. She could not tear her eyes away from the sparkling jewel held between his two fingers any more than she could close her mouth or contain her astonishment. “Eric, this is…oh, my.”

A sudden grin bloomed on his tanned face as Eric gave that signature gentle toss of his head, a habit born of necessity when he wore his long hair loose. He picked up Aurora’s left hand, turned it over with a regard that bordered on reverence, and brought it to his lips. His mouth burned like a brand upon her palm, and seemed to mark her deeply. Aurora shuddered, but could not speak.

As his lips pulled away, sky blue eyes flicked upward to gaze with smoldering heat from beneath impossibly long lashes at her luminous face. The light of the crescent moon overhead was softly refracted in the clear green of her eyes, and they seemed to sparkle with hidden facets as sudden tears glossed their surface. She had been waiting for this moment for all her young life, and it was just as beautiful as she had imagined.

“Be my wife. I want you. Forever.” The ring slid upon her finger, and her breath stopped once again as the impact of his softly spoken words took effect. The two-carat princess diamond glittered with promise, and held her mesmerized. She shivered.

“Please?”

Suddenly, she laughed. It was a laugh full of joy and triumph and the fulfillment of dreams. Her arms flung about his neck and she tangled her hands in his hair as she responded, “Yes! Oh Eric, yes!”

He laughed then in response, relief pouring forth from the release of tensely held breath as he rose, bringing her with him to stand. His strong arms held her closely against him, her body pressed full length against his as he buried his face in her neck to inhale the sweet scent of honeyed perfume that nearly overwhelmed his senses. Eric could not help but run his hands down her sides, passion growing quickly with the knowledge of her acceptance.

Responding immediately to his ardor, her face turned up to meet his in a kiss of complete abandon, opening without hesitation beneath his questing passion. Tears ran unchecked down the sides of her face, streaming into the gleaming auburn locks to dampen her temples, but she did not care. Eric was hers! She had won, and now she had everything she had ever asked for, and more. No one deserved to be this happy, but how could she reject such a gift? Fate had smiled upon her after years of struggle, confusion and strife, and nothing could take away this newfound joy. Life was now something worth living, and every day would be a new adventure that they would share together, never again to be parted by those who wished her ill, and the life so newly begun within her belly would grow to the fruition of all her dreams. A child to love, to cherish, and to have forever. Forever with Eric.

*******

Right.

I still have the ring – it is a permanent fixture in my life. No matter how often I do the dishes without remembering to take it off, or how much biscuit dough gets stuck between the prongs, it is still gorgeous when soaked in jewelry cleaner for a few minutes. It’s the one thing I refuse to sell, and frankly, I shouldn’t have to. I have put up very little fuss about having to get rid of the beach house, or the lodge in the South Hamptons, or my little Polynesian island, or even all my Dolce & Gabbana. I did complain, just a little, about losing the Prada, and it was hard to let go of the Vuitton luggage, but at least I still have my ring. Ironically, without all the trimmings to go with it, it looks fake on my hand, like some bit of cheap vanity jewelry bought off a table-top rounder at Wal-Mart.

And I still have Eric. Good, sweet, Eric. He seemed such a boy when I met him, so full of youth and exuberance, creativity, sensitivity. But he was a man, a full thirty years under his hand-tooled leather belt; a celebrated new artist that possessed the physique of a Greek god. Who could resist that? But then again, who could sustain it? The art world is fickle, and what flashes into the scene as the next brilliant flare of originality can become, overnight, a has-been. He looks the same, for the most part, though his hair is beginning to thin at the temples and there is some gray in his beard when he lets it grow - and he has, let’s be honest, grown a little paunchy about the middle - but something has changed that I can’t define. He has lost something, and now in his sky-blue eyes there is a vacancy that try as I might, I cannot fill.

Believe me, I have tried. Have I ever tried.